I love you like there’s no tomorrow, because without you tomorrow just isn’t worth it.
I want my daughter to be this cute
(Source: theumbrellaofglass, via flawlesskitty)
I’ve really digressed over the years. I find it harder for me to write and post my blogs publicly because of how naked I feel for putting to words these things. Then I remembered a thought I had ages ago. Good books/stories are only appreciated because they were written to be read in the first place. The story of my life… is it for me alone or should it be shared? I guess I’ve decided that I’ll share a little more.
Love
Lately I’ve found myself in the phase where my heart feels all fluttery after seeing or noting things. I’m sure it may not seem like much to most people, and it probably isn’t. I just notice it though. It’s the feeling of the heart being on edge. In terms of love, I still have it on standby, but the biggest kicker that I’ve noticed is that I can’t think of anyone available that I’d want to date. I’m just not interested in a single person. Maybe I’ll explore things more if I do find someone I’m attracted to, and write about it.
Life
I’m in the process of studying and putting together the proper things I need to get together so that I can pass my promotion exam. Getting promoted is great and all, but I find it stupid that I have to go through this stupid test. I mean if I’m gonna be promoted, isn’t it already proven that I’m a good fit based on my qualifications? I’m going through with this crap because I have to, but if I find another job I might just jump on it in a heartbeat. I’m looking for something with more regular hours and doesn’t involve people screaming, crying, or threatening me because they fail to understand how things work.
I noticed that all this work is really putting a damper on my eating habits. I guess I should take better care of my health because I do notice it failing a bit. I should probably work out more often too, but it’s funny since I find that working out is a hassle. Yes, you can definitely call me lazy, but I do work hard when money is involved.
Friends
The easiest way for me to connect with a number of my friends is through Call of Duty. I’m glad that the game is around since it really does keep us all connected. I can see myself in my 40’s and still find myself online with these guys.
I’ve also noticed how many ties that have loosened quite a lot. I don’t know how I feel about those. It’s a shame, but then again I am not quite one to get caught up in that. I’m naturally a loner even though I’m a sucker for love and would love to have someone else for myself. I’m also picky. I really enjoy the best friends that I have. They will always be a part of my life no matter what. That’s pretty sappy to admit, but it’s true.
I feel like I don’t have much, but what I do have I cherish quite a bit even though I don’t show it. I don’t show a lot of things.
Conclusion
That’s right, I don’t show a lot of things. This is why I should write. I don’t care to have a lot of people read this thing. If they find it, great, they will get to know me a little better. If not, no sweat. In the end… I’m developing still. I have much more to go. This is a journey without a set destination. I don’t know where I will end up, but I’m taking the road to happiness… plus detours.
I look at this picture and I think to myself, “which girl fits me best?” I’d say the third girl in the white dress is it.
(Source: otakulei)
Sitting there at the cafe, he watched her from his peripherals. She was tall for an Asian girl, long hair, thin figure, and a nice sense of style. Though her body wasn’t what you’d consider a perfect type, she really was wearing the clothes and not letting the clothes wear her. She was just there and it was not like he could ignore her. The notion of going to the coffee shop to read a good book in a nice atmosphere was only a pretense. He would have been perfectly happy being at home reading the same book and enjoying the coffee that he made. Besides, his coffee was better and cost less. No, he was here because he was looking for something. He was opening himself up to giving love a chance, or so he thought. He changed the setting, but he couldn’t change his mindset. He couldn’t find the nerve to approach anyone. He was content with knowing that they exist.
Or was he content? In truth and unbeknownst to him, a part of him really wanted to get to know the girl. He wanted to see if she could become someone he’d want to consider giving his heart to. He wanted to know, but he was paralyzed with that fear of rejection – the comfort of inactivity. She left before he could ever work up the courage that would have never came. Though he thought he was giving love a chance, he only proved to himself that his life remained in a standstill. There was no one else to blame other than himself for this fact.
When he pulled the knife out on me. I was pissed. It was dirty. It wasn’t needed. I saw red. It ended with red. I made him regret he ever thought about using a knife on me. He lived though, maybe that’s my regret… I let him live.
~something that can’t seem to be forgotten.
Ever watched that scene in a movie where an explosion goes off and people rush to the scene to see what happened and there is that one person who is walking away from it, away from the crowd? I’ve been that person. It feels like a lifetime away, but I can’t shake it out of my mind.
There is something about that moment that painted the perfect picture of what I am. I am not like everyone else. I’m not one to stand at the edge of curiousity to try to catch a glimpse of what is on the other side of that line. I’ve come back from that line and I don’t care to look back… because I know.
Heh. Being like this makes it so hard to find someone interesting enough to date. Only someone who has been over that edge would be able to comprehend my existence, right? What a messed up relationship it would be, we’d be broken together. Yeah, that sounds pretty amazing. Let’s be broken together.
